That Sinking Feeling

If you have faith there is no doubt it will be tested. . .sometimes over and over again. Guaranteed.

This weekend’s First Reading and Gospel show two giants of the faith, Elijah and Peter at that moment when you get that sinking feeling, that moment in life when faith gives way to despair.

Elijah is on the run for his life from Ahab and Jezebel, having deeply angered the queen for publicly embarrassing her, Baal (her god) and killing hundreds of Baal’s prophets (I Kings 18:20 – 46). Concerning the killing of the prophets, the furious Jezebel sends words to Elijah: “May the gods do thus and so to me if by this time tomorrow I have not done with your life what was done to each of them.” It’s threats like that which give the faithful that sinking feeling. . . .

Afraid, alone, and on the verge of despair, Elijah flees southward to Judah, where he begs God to take his life. Instead, an angel appears to make sure he eats something and informs him that he will be going on a journey. Walking 40 days, he arrives at Horeb, the mountain where Moses received the law.

On the mountain, a voice asks Elijah, “Why are you here, Elijah?” He replies, “I have been most zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts, but the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to the sword. I alone am left, and they seek to take my life (In Kings 19:9-10).

The voice does not console Elijah, nor gives any hint that its owner has even heard him. It simply directs him to go stand on the mountain, for “the Lord will be passing by.” But unlike in the days of Israel’s wandering, God is not present in smoke, fire, and quaking earth. Although Elijah witnesses wind, earthquake and fire, the scripture clearly says that the Lord is not “in” any of these things.

At last, Elijah hears “a tiny whispering sound.”

When despairing, we often lose sight that God is near. Like our Lord, tested in the wilderness, we often feel utterly alone and abandoned.

But the angel comes and visits Elijah. The Lord offers his hand and reassurance to the sinking Peter. God speaks, now in a whisper.

We modern folk spend far too much time speaking when we pray and too little time listening. Prayer is not just talk. It’s not just for our requests and intentions. Prayer is for listening to what God is saying to us. Prayer is hearing that soft rustle of angelic wings passing by our ear. If we will but listen, we will hear the rustle of wings, hear the whisper of God speaking to us in our despair and in our times of testing.

The Lord will pass by today. Guaranteed. May we have ears to hear. . . .

Steven D. Olson